Wednesday, August 15, 2007

It's Wednesday - Tucson on the Cheap

It's my last week of summer vacation. I'm broke, hot, and depressed. Yes, my whiny little ass has to go back to school. But if vacation has to die, it's going to go with a bang - a really cheap, semi-small, not-so-outrageous bang.

First of all, it's Wednesday. Besides all the free-to-cheap activities Tucson normally offers, Wednesday is special because it really wants to help you get over the hump in a champagne of beers kind of way. I'm talking about starting out with Funtasticks Ten Dollar Tuesday - that means unlimited video games and miniature golf for ten dollars. Wait a minute, it's Wednesday. Oh. Well, anyway, Ten Dollar Tuesdays are fun if you're like myself and love love love Cruis'n Exotica. The tracks are at places like Korea, Atlantis (under the sea), India, Mars(!) and "The Amazon".

Footnote: Notice how India and Mars somehow end up in the same "Exotic" category - it's telling. By the way, the realism and cultural accuracy of this game is so great that while racing in India your car gets shat on by an elephant - repeatedly. BTW, don't hit the sacred cows! And as if that weren't bad enough, check out the Mayan Ruins (really in Guatemala) and the dinosaurs in "The Amazon"! The reason why I find this arcade game really hilarious (as opposed to offensive) is because I am lead to believe that it is actually an acknowledgment of U.S. ignorance of the rest of the world - not a manifestation of it. (Many of the developers of the game are Indian, which you can see by their names in the credits.) Can you say meta-video game? It makes me want to write a paper about it.

Next I will catch a movie at Grand Cinemas for $3.25 (If you didn't see Knocked Up I strongly recommend it - it's a surprisingly smart film.) I'll be getting a Pepsi Freeze for me and a free Pepsi Freeze for my date. But Wednesdays are dollar days so I'll also buy him a bag of popcorn because I'm generous like that.

Then it's off to Golden Pin Lanes for a cheap hooker and Half a Buck Night (from 9pm - close) where a $5 cover charge gets me free bowling, 50¢ nachos, 50¢ hot dogs, 50¢ sodas and 50¢ draft beers. (That said, I'll confess that the 50¢ beer is worse than making love in a canoe, the hot dogs are 100% lips and assholes, and the shoe guy is really annoying at the microphone; all night with his nagging about men playing with the wrong balls! Play with your own!) The music, however, is pretty good and you can't beat the seventies Tucson-themed decor featuring foothills, the downtown skyline and the San Xavier Mission.

Pretty please with sugar on top post about your cheap and free Tucson recommendations!


Andrew said...

Shouldn't "champagne of beers" be hyphenated?

Osvaldo Cleger said...

That sounds like a hell of a Wednsday before school starts.
I am envious